Sometimes I Forget You Are Not Mine Anymore
“It hurts to let go sometimes it hurts more to hold on”
When it came to love, I always thought about you. It was a silent connection. I never ran to meet you. It was subtle, where holding your hand was enough expression of our love.
A conjunction that can never be torn apart even not uttering a single word between us for months.
I feel all the missing pieces came together, even the ones I never knew were missing. You were a place where I always turn to no matter what the outside world brings. I thought I had all the answers when it comes to us.
But the kind of love capsized to suffocate my lungs, instead of making me free, it chained me. The catalyst that could usurp my trepidation was inaccessible.
As people, we crave understanding and clarity. Expectations are part of our life only when they come without obsession.
[bctt tweet=”Why would I give my all to a person who always seems to run the minute a storm blows through?” username=”zistboon”]
To love, you need to give your part to them, it demands sacrifices. You were that part of me, and that is something I can’t take back. But now I am learning that not every person comes in life to stay on, somethings won’t last no matter how hard you wanted them to.
Everything has its ends so does the feelings. I am perceiving to generate imperturbation in my chaos, antidote to the poison, love in my hatred and kind of comfort in my suffering.
There comes a time, in every relationship even in the most beautiful one, when our vulnerabilities, our fearful souls, our tender heart refuses to find homes in one another, when there is nothing left to pursue, when our every effort to make it happen, end in stygian, when we tend to walk away; stay. Stay till the end, because that never fade is; love.
I am accepting, our souls aren’t mean to intertwine. It doesn’t mean I won’t carry you with me forever. Some people affect us so deeply that it’s hard not to take pieces of them with us. Maybe it was me who was romanticizing our relationship, putting words into your mouth.
No matter how hard I try to camouflage your thoughts, you still manage to create a room in my subconscious.
But time has funny ways of teaching us what we really want. Now, I understood why love isn’t fair; because you can love with your entire being and still be alone, you may want something and someone so badly but that doesn’t mean you’ll be together in the end. Love doesn’t guarantee last forever.
That doesn’t make you a villain. It just that you were not the main character in my story. But sometimes, I forget, my daydreaming cuddle a blanket over my consciousness where you wrap me in your arms and we see the breaking dawn together, my heartbeat dances on your favourite tone. But the reality moves in when a slow wind blow off and makes me realize that you are not mine anymore.
In a time to come, when I think about you, wonder your whereabouts. But my mind ceases to follow the instruction of my heart. If I were to reach out, I would have to ruin all the progress I have made to move on without you.
I believed what you believed but now I question my belief. I know I will be back sooner and once I do, I will come back happy.
Not many people could love you as deep and sincere as I did; my love towards you is my own accomplishment in life.
“She becomes silent there were no longer any words to describe the absence of emotion within her heart. She went from arguing to being upset, now feeling nothing at all. She becomes silent because you were no longer worth fighting for.”